LOST & AFRAID .

So work has begin to really burn me out - insufficient manpower, days after days of OTs, endless tasks that never seem to be able to finish, ridiculous shifting of manpower, and what's worst, a demanding and workaholic manager that never seems to appreciate it when subordinate offered to stay back to finish up the tasks that were on the daily checklist.

frankly speaking, sometimes i do wonder if i did made the right decision to accept this challenge back in January. though i never regret meeting new colleagues and it has also been a joy working with my supervisor and some of the part-timers, but i can't deny that there is also a downside to this role. many had told me that i looked more opened up and cheerful ever since i had accepted this challenge, but deep down inside, i really doesn't felt it that way. i guess that's part of the working world - faking.

though it's just a short 5 months in this company, but seeing people leaving the organisation one after another every month is indeed demoralising. and sad to say, i am starting to understand the real reason behind their departures. to be honest, ever since i made the decision to leave the hotel industry and the temporary events position back then, i told myself that i am going to give it my best shot in my next job and to stay for at least a year, no matter how hard it's gonna be. and that is the reason i am still holding on. but whatever has happened these few days, or rather weeks, had really force me to think deeper and in search of a back-up plan. to be honest, i am actually disappointed with myself for wanting to give up so easily and not being able to stay for at least a year. but on second thought, seeing the newly-hired assistant manager, as well as the previous 2 assistant managers, throwing in the towel within 2 months, it somehow made me feel a little better - at least i am not the only one who can't work together with the management.

and so, today somehow marks the "last day" that my supervisor will be reporting to office on a daily basis. yes, i am afraid (cause i do not know what's going to happen to me in the near future) but i am more upset, because he had helped me in so many way - be it clearing my workload when he sees that i am drowning or shielding me from being questioned by the upper management (due to nonsensical issues).

i don't know how I will be "tortured" in the next few weeks and how i will cope but yeah, i am frantically in search of my backup plan, and i need to find it fast.

Sharing with you one of my favourite song from A-Lin 【罪惡感】

personally like the lyrics alot, especially these 2 lines:

“这个世界那么大 哪里能痛哭一场 你不会知道我 对自己多失望”